One of the most distinctive features of highly sensitive people (HSPs) is they often “beat themselves up” when they do something wrong. I find myself doing this often. If I failed at something, didn’t complete a task as well as I could have, or made a bad decision, I have a very hard time letting go. Most other people don’t seem to struggle with this as much as I do.

When I beat myself up, this may manifest in me withdrawing and wanting to be alone, refusing to voice my opinion, or hesitating to make another decision in the future.

I recognize that these are negative behaviors. Yet I have a hard time overcoming them. I may never completely avoid them, at least to the extent that non-HSPs do. But I can try to understand why they occur and to minimize their impact.

At the same time, those who are not HSPs should try to understand what a highly sensitive person is and why HSPs react this way — and not be so judgmental when they do.

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Why HSPs Might Be Hard on Themselves

Here are three reasons I have identified as to why I tend to be hard on myself, and how I try to overcome them.

1. I struggle with low self-esteem.

I have always struggled to assert myself, whether it comes to applying for jobs, making new friends, or asking women on dates (I’m now married). If I forget to do something — let’s say, forget to go to the store and get dinner on the way home from work — it reinforces all the negative stereotypes I naturally have about myself, and it takes me a long time to recover from that.

To non-HSPs, this may sound ridiculous, but it’s a real struggle for me. I’ve heard it said that it takes seven positive experiences for humans to overcome a negative one. I’m sure it’s more for me; I have to remember to go to the store more than seven times in a row before I let go of the one time I forgot.

How to overcome it: Low self-esteem is a lifelong struggle for those who suffer from it. Those who have not faced it don’t understand. We’re constantly told that loving ourselves is a choice and that it’s our own fault if we don’t do it, but it’s not that simple. What helps me is to remember that all human beings have value, and the fact that others choose to be around me is a sign that they see value in me as well.

2. I hold myself to a high standard.

I strive for perfection. I always want to be learning and getting better. When I identify a weakness, I want to fix it. And if I mess up, I want to ensure that I don’t make the same mistake again.

For example, if I didn’t add up the numbers correctly in a report, I go back and figure out where I added incorrectly so I’m more careful next time. I can’t do that if I just forget about it. But that’s using my energy in a positive way. If I hand over that report to another person next time because I’m afraid to do it, I’m using my energy in a destructive way.

How to overcome it: I remember that no human is perfect. No matter our best intentions, sometimes we will fall short. I think of the times I have done something wrong and how those closest to me still accept me. In return, I accept them no matter how much they mess up.

And who exactly am I trying to impress, anyway? If I spend too much time trying to impress myself, I’m not spending enough time helping others and observing the world around me. When you think of times that you mess up as an opportunity to get better, instead of as a reflection on yourself, you’ll achieve so much more.

3. I value what other people think of me.

I used to wonder why people would get upset when I didn’t assert myself and instead did things to please others. For example, instead of telling my friends what movie I want to see, I’ll ask them for their opinion. “I’m just putting others before myself,” I’d say to myself. “Since when is being unselfish such a bad thing?”

I’ve always hated disappointing other people, so much so that when I do it once, I tend to withdraw, physically and emotionally, because I’m afraid that interacting with them again will lead to me disappointing them again. Put differently, I should just “stay out of their way” next time. But is that really borne of my concern for them, or does that link back to my low opinion of myself?

How to overcome it: Over time, I’ve learned that there’s a difference between simply deferring to other people and not interacting with them. The former is due to caring about what other people think of me — which is self-centered — while the latter is due to wanting to be a team player who solves problems. If I really care about others, I’ll share my knowledge and experiences with them in order to help them. Withholding that knowledge and experience could deprive them of valuable information.

In the above example, I may hesitate to suggest a movie because I’m afraid my friends won’t like it. But it’s also possible that it could be a good movie. And it’s also possible that if I leave it to them, they’ll pick a bad one.

To non-HSPs who become frustrated when HSPs withdraw or are hard on themselves, please make an effort to be sensitive to their struggle. Offer positive reinforcement when they do something right.

And don’t be quick to judge. If they’re upset about something, they may need just a little time to themselves to get through it. That’s okay. Criticizing them right after they make a mistake or asking them why they’re being so sensitive will make it more difficult for them to get out of the rut they may slip into when they make a mistake. And that hurts everyone.

You might like:

• 14 Things HSPs Absolutely Need to Be Happy
• 27 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’re an HSP
• The No. 1 Thing That Relieves My Anxiety as an HSP
• I Used to Be Ashamed That I ‘Felt Too Much’

The post Why Do Highly Sensitive People Beat Themselves Up So Much? appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

I was a political science major and a history minor in college. One semester, I was taking a class that I needed for my history minor. One of my first assignments seemed pretty simple: I had to read an academic article related to Ancient Rome and write a review of it. As I always did, I put a lot of effort into the assignment and turned it in with confidence. When I got the assignment back, there was a big D+ at the top of the paper.

I had always been a great student and rarely got grades that low. I thought, if I can barely pass a simple assignment like this, what would the rest of the semester be like with this professor? I was so upset that I went to the registrar’s office to unregister for the class, only to find out that the deadline to do so had passed just a few days earlier.

Using Constructive Feedback as a Learning Experience

I was upset that I would have to continue this class, but looking back now, I’m thankful that I did. I continued to work harder in that class than in any other I was taking, and I ended up with a solid B at the end of the semester. Because I had no choice, I took the feedback that was written on the returned assignment — and there was a lot of it — and used that both as a learning experience and as determination to get better. And it paid off.

As I look back on that experience, I realize that, as a highly sensitive person (HSP), I naturally do not handle feedback well, even if it is intended to be constructive. From my experience, I believe it is because we are perfectionists — we like to make sure we do everything as well as possible. When we fall short of perfection, we’re disappointed in ourselves. (I’ve also learned this is common among HSPs.) I thought my professor was just being a jerk at the time, but I see now that he wanted me to succeed and gave me lots of feedback to ensure that I would later get a good grade that I truly earned.

Today, whether it’s at work, in my marriage, or in any other area of my life, I receive feedback often. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it well had I not had experiences like the one above that helped me grow accustomed to it. Each similar experience has shaped me to be able to handle constructive feedback well — even as an HSP.

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People Give Feedback Because They Want You to Succeed

I hate performance reviews at work. And it seems that there are many other people that do not enjoy them either. Being formally evaluated is not the most pleasant experience, and hearing about what you are doing wrong is not fun, especially when you rely on your job for your livelihood and you are trying your best. Plus, as I already mentioned, we sensitive types tend to be perfectionists, so when we hear we’re not-so-perfect, it can be tough. However, in many cases, performance reviews are a necessary part of the job because it allows us to hear about how we can improve, grow, and become the best employees that we can be.

I’m thankful that, for the most part, I’ve had bosses over the years that at least seem to understand that performance reviews are meant as growth opportunities and not as a chance to just bash employees for what they are doing wrong. That being said, being an HSP, it takes a lot of effort for me to not take the negative parts of my review personally, but instead, to use them as motivation to get better. I had to gain a lot of self-awareness over many years before I realized this.

I believe that the majority of bosses give constructive feedback because they want their employees to be the best that they can be. But perhaps you have a boss that isn’t kind and doesn’t care whether you improve based on your “constructive” feedback or not. In that case, be sure not to take the feedback personally. Rather, allow yourself to grow from the experience. You can’t control someone else’s attitude, but you can control your own.

No One Is Perfect (Even HSPs)

I had little experience dating before I started dating the woman who would become my wife. A few months into our time dating, she sent me an email detailing several things that I wasn’t doing to meet her needs and that I needed to do in order to make our relationship work. For example, I wasn’t taking enough initiative to take her out on dates or to talk to her enough while we were having dinner. (I was too focused on my food!)

As you can imagine, I didn’t take her email well. I was so upset that I told her that I had nothing to say in response, which caused her to get upset — she was really trying to help me and I wasn’t going along with it. I thought she was just being difficult and believed that she would ultimately leave me because of all my faults. However, she stayed with me, and we ended up getting married and have now been together for almost eight years.

Point being, like with a new job, when it comes to dating, all of us have to start somewhere. We will all make lots of mistakes during our first serious relationship because we don’t have the learning experiences that we need to know what to do and what not to do. I beat myself up pretty badly during this experience because I thought that there was something wrong with me.

However, I started to do a lot of the things that my girlfriend wanted me to do — like planning more dates for us and paying more attention to her while we were out to eat — because I loved her and wanted our relationship to work out. After my initial reaction of despair, I decided that I had to make the choice to do certain things differently, not because there was something wrong with me, but because I needed to learn and grow.

Like with my college assignment and performance reviews, my then-girlfriend provided me with constructive feedback not to be mean, but because she believed in me and wanted our relationship to work out. I now believe that she recognizes that I’m not perfect and that, as long as I am trying my best, our relationship can succeed.

We all make mistakes, despite our best intentions. She has made mistakes too; in fact, everyone out there reading this has made mistakes — because we’re all human. Over the years, I’ve kept that in mind before beating myself up too much over a mistake I’ve made. Plus, I’ve seen others (like my wife) forgive me, which drives me to keep working harder.

Being in a romantic relationship as an HSP is difficult because, when someone is in a relationship, they are probably critiqued analyzed on a regular basis. And HSPs especially don’t like that. However, when taken with the right attitude, that feedback can turn into positives for both people involved. It also takes initiative from the non-HSP (if there is one in the relationship) to learn how best to handle such situations when they come up.

HSPs Should Embrace Constructive Feedback, Not Dread It

As sensitive people, it’s our natural inclination to dread any kind of constructive feedback. We don’t want to let other people down. And we certainly don’t want to let ourselves down. Yet the only way we will become better human beings is if we embrace constructive feedback. This is important since other people look at us through a different lens other than our own and tell us what we can do to get better — which will benefit us both.

Believe me, I understand as much as anyone how hard it is. And I still struggle sometimes. Often, I will have to take a walk — which is great for my mental health and a way for HSPs to decompress — or otherwise remove myself from the situation for a while. 

So find a way to cope that works for you, but more importantly, remember that feedback is meant to help us grow, that most people do it to help us, and that no one is perfect. When we remember these things, we can become better partners, family members, friends, and coworkers.

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The post How to Accept Constructive Feedback as a Highly Sensitive Person appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Relationships are challenging for anybody, but when you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP) in a relationship with a non-HSP, it can be a whole other level. There’s definitely a learning curve; at least there was for me. 

Already, HSPs tend to feel things more deeply and notice subtleties that non-HSPs may not. Although these may seem like positive assets, they may not always manifest that way.

To give you some backstory on my relationships, I’ll take you back to high school. When I was a teenager, I had a female friend whom I had a crush on. I never said anything or acted on it because I thought I had no chance with her. 

Well, sure enough, one day, she met me as I was on my way to one of my classes and handed me a note. I read it as soon as I got into the classroom. She confessed that she had feelings for me.

I didn’t respond. Even though this was exactly what I’d wanted, I didn’t have the courage to tell her that I felt the same way. We continued talking online as we always had, and she tried to bring it up several more times, but each time I brushed it off. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her how I felt, although I spent plenty of time overanalyzing the situation in typical HSP fashion (even though I didn’t yet know the term “highly sensitive person”).

Looking back, I realize now that I was — and still am — an HSP and that my desire not to make a fool of myself, get hurt, or “impose” myself on other people manifested itself in many ways. In this case, it may have cost me something great. Yet back then, I had no idea that was the case. I thought I was just being shy and humble, a typical teenage guy.

Years later, another female friend confessed her feelings for me, and I was determined not to make the same mistake again. I immediately said that I was interested in a relationship; today, that woman is my wife of nearly seven years. 

I wish I could tell you that’s where this story ends, but it’s not: My high sensitivity — or at least my perception of it — nearly cost me my marriage on many occasions. But in the end, it’s also helped me save it and is now an asset to it.

4 Ways My High Sensitivity Has Saved My Marriage

1. Having time to myself actually brings me closer to my partner. 

For a long time, I had a hard time understanding why my wife got upset when a Saturday night went by without me making plans, or even why she got upset when I simply didn’t spend enough time talking to her on a given day. I did this largely out of fear that I’d mess the plans up or even that I was “forcing” her to spend time with me.

There was another force at play here that I didn’t see until recently: my own need to have alone time. I used to think that everyone needed lots of alone time like I do. I realized that, while everyone needs some of it, not everyone needs it as much as I do. 

Highly sensitive people value alone time — it gives us a much-needed break from the overstimulation we experience. 

I had to find that balance between keeping my marriage strong while staying mentally healthy. Communicating that to your spouse is critical, because they may not understand that it’s less about you not caring about the marriage and more about trying to meet your own HSP needs.

2. My strong ideals helped me become better to my partner — and better to myself. 

My insecurity used to get the best of me, something many HSPs struggle with. For instance, I would let my wife watch Netflix by herself on a Saturday night instead of trying to do something with her. I thought that’s what she wanted, but instead, she was actually hoping I would try to do something with her. When I didn’t, it led her to believe that I didn’t care about her.

HSPs already have a tendency to be especially hard on themselves and overthink things, so the more I’d upset her, the more upset I’d be with myself and the more my insecurity festered. It was a vicious cycle.

I started to overcome this by just making plans anyway, disregarding my fear of messing them up, which has led to my wife being happy with the fact that I’m just trying. Even a two-hour dinner date, outside the house with no kids, can really show that you care.

My personal belief is that every life has value and that we all matter to God and have a purpose. I just didn’t believe that about myself for a long time. I thought that I was an exception, that God somehow made a mistake. 

I don’t believe that you can feel that your spouse has value to you unless you see value in yourself first. If you struggle with this, you must find a way to work through it.

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3. I learned to use my deep thinking skills to keep the lines of communication open.

Although HSPs are very different from introverts, I happen to be both, I am certainly both, and each of them contribute to my struggle with communicating verbally. 

As an introvert, social situations can be draining to me, even if they are with just one person. As an HSP, I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing or getting my feelings hurt when I share myself with someone.

In any case, you must communicate in order to make a marriage work, and I don’t think there’s such a thing as too much of it. You will make mistakes. Come to terms with that now, along with the fact that you’re human; saying and doing the “wrong” thing will happen. Believe it or not, saying the wrong thing is often better than isolating yourself and not saying anything.

But here’s where being an HSP comes in handy — most of us are deep thinkers, so when our spouses voice their concerns, we’ll take all the time we need to process what they said and come up with a solution. I used to not do this as much, but now make it a point to and it’s helped the communication between me and my wife tenfold. 

Also, be sure to communicate your needs to your spouse and how being an HSP makes you different — and what your needs are because of it. Don’t use that as an excuse to not work on your marriage; instead, it’s for your partner to know how to be a better spouse for you and you for them.

4. My sensitivity lets me care deeply — and show it. 

Being an HSP can be challenging, yet also can be an advantage when it comes to your relationships; after all, your partner fell for you (and your high sensitivity) for a reason.

For example, part of the reason my wife fell in love with me was because I had the ability to express my care and understanding whereas others had not. She also saw that I didn’t get upset or judgmental when she or one of my stepkids did something wrong or made a mistake.

At times, my confidence and ability to express myself failed me, but in time, I’ve learned to be more confident and better express myself.

Bottom line: Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Believe in yourself. And make sure your spouse knows that you care about them. You don’t want to miss out on a really good thing.

By simply reframing how you view and approach your high sensitivity for the gift that it is, you can turn your relationship around and have it contribute to a great marriage versus having your HSP traits cause turmoil. It worked for me — and can work for you, too.

You might like:

• 10 Things You Should Know About Being in a Relationship With an HSP
• The Challenges of Being an HSP in a Relationship With a Non-HSP
• 14 Things Highly Sensitive People Absolutely Need to Be Happy

The post My High Sensitivity Saved My Marriage. But First, It Almost Ruined It. appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

• “You need to stop being so sensitive.” 
• “You need to stop taking things so personally.” 
• “You need to stop beating yourself up.”

Yet the fact that I’m an HSP is more complicated by the fact that I’m also a man. 

On the surface, being highly sensitive seems to be incompatible with what it means to be a man. Sayings like, “Take it like a man,” suggest that, when faced with criticism or a difficult situation, we shouldn’t let it bother us at all. 

Of course, gender stereotypes are changing — it’s becoming much more acceptable for women to be “tough” and for men to show their emotions (at times). Yet, in general, it still seems to be more acceptable for women to be sensitive than it is for men. If men are sensitive, they’re seen as weak. It means they’re not tough enough. It means they don’t know how to be a leader or take charge.

How do we reconcile being a man with also being highly sensitive? Is it possible to be both? I’ve thought about this a lot. Really, I have no choice: I am who I am. I can work on my negative traits and continue to develop my positive ones. Yet, I’m always going to be highly sensitive. That’s not going to change.

The ‘Shame’ of Being a Sensitive Man

Over the years, I’ve felt ashamed for being sensitive. At times, that’s caused me to slip into a deep depression. If you’re male, in my opinion, there’s no worse feeling than that of feeling like you’re not really a man. And I’ve felt that way many times.

We all mess up and make mistakes, of course, but when I do something that doesn’t match the “stereotypical” macho role, I beat myself up extra hard —  which only compounds my sense of insecurity. It’s a vicious cycle: I feel insecure, which leads me to make mistakes, which I then beat myself up for, and which ultimately makes me feel more insecure.

In spite of all this, there’s one thing I’ve discovered: you don’t actually need to match the stereotypes. Being a highly sensitive man doesn’t have to be a cage, restricting you to your own personal hell; it doesn’t have to be something you hide. And it doesn’t have to mean constantly fighting a war with yourself between two seemingly incompatible traits. 

As I’ve contemplated the dichotomy of being sensitive and being a man, I’ve come up with five reasons why we need to rethink our understanding of sensitivity and gender. When those feelings of depression and insecurity come on, I try to keep these points in mind. 

If you come to terms with who you are, you can learn how to love yourself. And you’ll be a lot happier because of it.

5 Truths About Sensitive Men

1. Toughness doesn’t have to be the defining characteristic. 

When I was growing up, “Home Improvement” was on TV a lot. The show presented two different portrayals of what it meant to be a man: There was Tim “the Toolman” Taylor, who always tried to be super-macho, and his assistant Al Borland, who was much more gentle and sensitive. Overall, Tim was a good leader for his family, but his attempts at rugged manliness often got him into trouble. 

Even though it was a sitcom, I’ve thought about this a lot: Why does being super-macho tough have to be the defining characteristic of being a man? Why does being a man even have to mean being super tough at all? There are many ways in which ALL of us should be tough — men and women. But there’s no reason why men can’t be sensitive, too. Of course, some men are really tough in the way I’ve described, and that’s not a bad thing in and of itself. It just doesn’t have to be characteristic of all men.

2. There are many other things that make us men. 

There is so much more that defines a man than our stoicism in the face of highly emotional events, or the permissible emotions — like anger — which we’re allowed to display. How someone reacts to a situation, whether by taking it personally or beating themselves up, should be just a tiny fraction of what constitutes “manliness.” 

I have a steady job and every day I work to support my family. I treat people — family, friends, coworkers — with respect. I am faithful to my wife and supportive of my children. I’m careful to use my time and my money wisely. These should be viewed as constituting a strong man. (And, of course, they can be important traits of a good woman, too.)

3. Being a man can — and does — mean being sensitive. 

Even though the world suggests that being a man means being super tough, I’m going to do a 180 from that idea, and say that I actually think being a man means being sensitive — or at least it should mean that. 

If you’re highly sensitive, it means you care about other people, especially those closest to you. If I wasn’t sensitive, I wouldn’t be able to show my wife the love that she deserves, nor would I be able to show love and respect to my other family members. If I wasn’t sensitive and attentive to the needs of others, how could I possibly be there for people in meaningful ways? 

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4. Being a highly sensitive man means feeling deeply. 

One important characteristic of being highly sensitive is having strong feelings (which boys should be taught to embrace). We feel things deeply. And because of that, we have strong convictions. And having strong convictions is a defining characteristic of being a man. It means that you act with strong force and leadership as well as great care and thought. There’s so much more to leadership than just being “tough” or demanding. Feeling deeply means understanding a situation and the people involved. And HSPs have that skill.

5. And that means always wanting to improve. 

I can’t speak for all HSPs, but I can say that when I “beat myself up” for making a mistake, it means I’m not satisfied with where I am as a person and desire to get better. If you’re a man, I think that should mean that you always want to improve yourself and that you want to be the best person you can possibly be. If you’re highly sensitive, your self-awareness in this regard is especially powerful. Remember: the men who don’t reflect upon their behavior, who accept things as they are and never try to improve, are the ones who hold us back as a society. Highly sensitive men charge forward. And that’s a good thing.

There hasn’t always been an acceptable way to be a man and be sensitive. But as we highly sensitive men continue to find our place in the world, let’s focus on all the positives we offer. I’ve discovered that it is possible to be a strong highly sensitive man, but that first required taking the time to understand myself in order to eventually accept my sensitivity as a strength. The world is slowly changing how it views “manliness,” and by being who we are, we can help accelerate that change.  

You might like: 

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The post 5 Truths I Struggled to Learn as a Highly Sensitive Man appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Others don’t seem to get this. I can recall one time in particular when I was at a children’s basketball game and a fellow spectator got angry with me for not cheering enough. This person accused me of not caring about the children (!) and wondered why I was even at the game. I was just trying to enjoy myself and watch the game, but I was seen as an outsider because I wasn’t the loudest voice.

These kinds of experiences — feeling like an outsider — are common when you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP). Highly sensitive people simply have a nervous system that processes everything more deeply, making overstimulation (like loud noises) very real and very uncomfortable. We behave differently than the people around us: a little more observant, a little more thoughtful, and a lot less interested in explosive, over-the-top activities. 

If you’re an HSP like me, you may feel misunderstood by your friends and loved ones — and there are things you probably wish they knew. Your list may be different than mine, but here are eight of the things I wish other people knew about me as an HSP. Do any of these describe you?

What I Wish People Knew About Me as an HSP

1. I need a lot of time to myself. 

A lot of people attribute this characteristic to introverts, and while it’s true that introverts need alone time, HSPs do as well — for a very different reason. HSPs have a deep inner world; we have a lot of inner thoughts that we need time to process. Sometimes, when there’s a difficult situation, I need to excuse myself so I can sort through all the emotions I’m feeling. Other times, I just prefer to be by myself so that other people’s emotions aren’t overwhelming me, as I already have plenty of them going on myself. HSPs can sense other people’s emotions easily, and sometimes, it’s just too much to handle.

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2. Large crowds are difficult for me.

Some people thrive off the energy of large crowds and all the noise they make, yet since HSPs have such strong senses, all that noise and emotion coming at us at once can be difficult to process. We get overstimulated, which can cause sudden fatigue, brain fog, and a sense of being overwhelmed. I sometimes find it difficult to concentrate and to make my own decisions when I’m in such a situation.

I’ve worked on improving at this, and I believe that I’m “building my tolerance” around large groups of people. Yet in many ways, this is just part of how I’m wired — and I need my friends to understand that it’s not going to change. 

3. Just because I’m not showing emotion doesn’t mean I don’t care. 

As an HSP, I’m an observer. I like to take in the world around me and process everything I see. When I’m at a concert, I don’t usually sing along, and when I was at that basketball game, I didn’t cheer much. It isn’t because I don’t care or that I’m not having a good time — I’m likely having a great time. It’s just hard for me to both process everything that’s going on around me and to use energy to show emotion at the same time. 

Not every highly sensitive person keeps emotions to themselves; many HSPs express a lot of emotion, and that’s fine too. Either way, we’re not being “too emotional” or “not emotional enough.” We’re processing our feelings the way that’s healthy and normal for us.

4. I have an incredible memory. 

This can be both a blessing and a curse. I can’t count how many times I’ve been in bed, trying to go to sleep at night, when suddenly I remember something stupid I said back when I was in high school years ago and it keeps me up. I’m sure everyone who heard it forgot about it a long time ago, yet for some reason it sticks with me… and I still feel guilty because of it.

But my great memory can serve me well, too. Not only can I remember birthdays and anniversaries, but I can remember even small details that mean a lot to people — like the name of their dog or their favorite flavor of ice cream.

5. Receiving negative feedback is difficult for me. 

I’ll admit it: I am sensitive to what other people think of me. I know that’s not always healthy, and I try to work on it, but it’s a natural tendency for HSPs — especially when we’re criticized. I think we don’t like to receive negative feedback because we have such high expectations for ourselves and are always striving for perfection, and when we fall short of that, we beat ourselves up. And our empathy-wired brains means we care about other people and don’t like to let them down. We need to remember that people (more often than not) give us feedback because they care about us and want us to grow and improve. Being an HSP, it’s just difficult for me to not assume negative intent.

6. Giving feedback is difficult for me. 

Just as HSPs have trouble receiving negative feedback, giving it is difficult, too. This is also largely because we care about other people and we don’t want to upset them with criticism. We also don’t like to judge other people because we would not want to be judged the same way.

What I try to remember is that feedback can be a positive thing, even when it’s negative feedback, and it helps the other person grow when you give it. But it’s still difficult for us — and if you can help us feel safe in sharing our feelings or speaking up, we’re much more likely to be direct with you. 

7. I have a hard time verbalizing negative emotions. 

Just like everyone else, I experience my share of hurt, sadness, or getting peeved. But for me, it’s difficult to verbalize it. Writing is often a release, yet even then it’s hard for me to express exactly how I feel — often, it takes me a lot of processing to even know how I feel. 

I think there are a couple reasons for this. One is that we don’t want to create a problem for others. But the deeper reason is that we fear rejection. Many HSPs spend our entire lives being made to feel different, or “too” sensitive, and we know we’ll be judged if we share our pain or anger. But it’s important to find a way to release what you’re feeling, whether you’re an HSP or not. If you can hold space for our sometimes complicated feelings, it soothes us — and it makes us feel very close to you. 

8. I need to stay off social media as much as possible. 

Today, you almost have to be on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram in order to keep up with everything going on in the world. Yet social media can be harmful to HSPs (and non-HSPs, too!) because we have a tendency to compare ourselves to other people, which usually leads to negative feelings. People tend to share only the happiest, most braggable parts of their lives, and it creates a distorted view of the world — and ourselves.

Of course, everyone experiences FOMO, but for HSPs, it’s even easier to get stuck in the spiral and feel like our lives are a failure. I try to remember that everyone has flaws and experiences difficulties just like I do — but it’s much healthier when I can have deep, meaningful time with the people I love. As a sensitive person, those true connections are worth a million times more than any Instagram post.

HSP, what do you wish people knew about you? Let me know in the comments.

You might like:

• Why Do Highly Sensitive People Absorb Other People’s Emotions? 
• The Difference Between Introverts, Empaths, and Highly Sensitive People
• Why Highly Sensitive People React So Strongly to Criticism

The post 8 Things I Wish People Knew About Me as an HSP appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.